This is the first thing that popped up in my mind when I decided to scrawl back in WP. Mom guilt is a noxious emotion that every single mother in this world goes through during various stages of parenting. We do whine about our saggy possessions, tiger marks, ever-growing bellies (and what not) but when it comes to opening up our emotional infirmities, we choose to keep the doors shut.
What I’m talking about is yet another perdurable attribute that defines motherhood. The pangs of mom-guilt is awful and real.
No matter the amount of effort I put into baby D’s well-being, my head self-inflicts itself by the end of the day. Did I converse enough? Did I feed him properly? Should I be more funny? Am I rigid enough? Why did I say No for that? Do I pamper the child too much? Does he love me?
I recollect the day, specifically the meal time engagements, outdoor activities and conversational instances looking out for flaws from my end. The next day, those marked mistakes get corrected, only to pave way for a whole new set of mistakes and lessons. Taking into account the depth of my everyday dose of guilt and the sincerity in which I auto-correct my strategy, I guess by now I should have become the most perfect, responsible mother in the world but God-save-the-title-for-someone-else, I’m not.
Although sometimes, I realize mom-guilt isn’t dispiriting at all. When it is conscience-driven, regardless of the bitterness, one must admit it’s a strong, constructive instinct that pushes us to become a better parent day by day.
On the other hand, when someone else inculpates my slip-ups in parenting and imposes unasked opinion, it evokes a deep sense of resentment in me. That’s that. My aura at once droops down to dust. People and circumstances could trample us on when we are already feeling down. Mom shaming, as it has been called for ages, is a rampant practice which could intensely affect the physical and mental health of mothers.
Many first-timers feel the same. We strive hard to do the best and in the process, let go of our sanity, feel incapable or remain apologetic for the way we care for our child and fail to enjoy the beautiful journey of motherhood.
Dear first-time moms, it is the self-confidence that makes up for our inexperience in parenting. As a mother, we are only as old as our own child. Just like you and I embrace our little one’s trial and error way of living, we should probably feel less guilty about the way we raise our kids. Let’s believe they are in the best hands possible.
Dear stay-at-home/ working mommas, never let people, distance, time constraints, physical/mental lethargy, financial implications, family issues or even your past mistakes question your abilities as a mother. Do little things with great love. Love, dear mom, is all that matters.