Snippet #4 What’s Wrong With Me????

Okay. Before I proceed, here’s the disclaimer:

This post has been intentionally tagged ‘Uncategorized’ because the rants fit nowhere else. If you have accidentally landed here (the title is rigid and to the point. Yet, just saying) looking for optimistic remarks on life, this post is NOT for you. Dear ladies, please refrain from reading this article if you don’t wish to meet another PMS victim who lets out verbal wails in the Internet.

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First things first. I’m unable to bring life to my thoughts. A self-diagnosis revealed that I am suffering from Writer’s Block yet again. It stresses me out. The last post I had published in Merry Motherhood was before 4 days. With not a single article under construction thereafter, I feel this is a HUGE black mark in my work, according to the self-made plan I follow.

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I usually write after baby D sleeps. Even if he sleeps too late, I never let it affect my writing frequency. Sipping a steaming cup of chai, I recollect the memories or ideas that deserve a place in my blog and recreate them with the adverbs and adjectives I’m aware of. Not sure if it’s the essence of my chai or the effervescence of words or a combination of both, something about it makes me feel insanely high on a level of 5 by 5; it’s the main reason I have been rigorously maintaining a healthy blogging life for the past few months. Until the (second) writer’s block happened!!! The intensity is doubled this time and I get a feeling that I am completely chained up for life. The feeling is so terrible – you have words but you don’t get to recall an incident that can be best prepped with them. Or vice versa.

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My routine has taken a turn for the worse. I’ve begun binge-watching soap operas and comedy shows whenever I sit down for lunch and dinner. They are too habit-forming, I wonder if these shows are technically tuned to spray out caffeine droplets from inside the idiot box because God I couldn’t get myself away from the screen.This is so not me!😦

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I’m sleep deprived because Baby D prefers co-sleeping these days. After an hour of rocking the cradle, I sit beside and monitor him for another hour (this is when I usually write). Sometimes he continues to sleep on his own. Otherwise (which happens 99% of the time) , I have to rock him again,slow down, transfer to the cot and pat him for a while until his posture gives me an impression that he doesn’t wake up for another 8 hours. Though I’m used to this routine, for the past few days, things are getting harder for me. Kid moves around like a prowling octopus in his sleep and wakes up crying, in case his private space (which is 3/4th of the bed) is compromised. He doesn’t prefer the crib nowadays. I gracefully let the two inhabitants enjoy my share of the bed and settle for the unoccupied couch whose leather is not a bit slumber-friendly which in turn induces the mombie in me. I blame this stupid sleep routine (sleepless routine) for the headless apparitions I see in the hallway. Or are they real? 😧

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I’m too tired to let out a loud cry at this odd hour that would unnecessarily bring the floating ghosts to my doorstep. Typing down my agony is an easier option that makes me feel slightly better. This is so not me because I am used to composing only happy thoughts in my blog or if anything went worse – a tiny, broken poem always summed up my mind altogether. Never thought I’d spare an entire article for documenting this! What’s wrong with me?! 😑😑

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37 thoughts on “Snippet #4 What’s Wrong With Me????

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  1. Nothing is wrong with you. You just have a lot on your plate at the moment. The writer’s block is just a temporary phase is your mind is preoccupied and somewhat adjusting to the everyday changes. Take a deep breath. Enjoy your baby D. Then start writing in small quantities like a few lines and post it. Your blog is your space where you can be you so you don’t always have to write perfectly. Just write and soon this so-called writer’s block will vanish in thin air.

    Warm regards
    Dee Kay

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Agreed. Don’t be harsh on yourself. And I have personally felt that a plan for writing doesn’t work. There are days when I want to write all that I can and there are other days. Enjoy the other things. Read a book rather, play with Baby D 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I was confronted with this so called writer’s block about a week back and I actually turned to youtube for a diversion 😋, let myself alone, because the more desperate I got to write the more blank my mind felt, devoid anything purposeful to share, worth the readers’ time and attention. I made so many drafts of random thoughts and just let them be. And one fine day you wake up with the thoughts overflowing again 😉.
    It always helps to share with fellow bloggers, love the support and motivation I get from you all. And the fact that we are not at all perfect is so comforting 🤗. So keep those cups of chai going and the pen rolling!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “….and the fact that we are not at all perfect is so comforting.” After reading your reply, I was literally repeating these words to myself the whole night. Half of the unexplainable worries quickly evaporated out of my head and enlightened my mental state. The growing stats DID contribute to last week’s trouble in some way, I felt so compelled to please my audience even though I was not in the right mood to write. But when I learnt that writing is not about waiting for the best combination of words to happen, I did write anyway. In the simplest manner possible. With absolutely no expectations in mind.
      And I loved how that made me feel. Thank you :’)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s always that one line and those few words which carry the crux of the matter. It’s strange yet beautiful how a combination of random words can be so meaningful and inspiring at times 🙂 .

        Like

  3. You began with a great rant… letting all your tension out! Now tell yourself, there is nothing wrong! Life is not only about experiencing the good, flow and being neat… it’s about embracing everything AND that means sleepless nights, being lazy, watching soaps and not doing anything. Sometimes you just have to stop and do nothing AND enjoy being you doing nothing and your baby😘 Don’t worry your writing flow will come back but not until you chill out and allow life just to be❤️ Much love, Barbara x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re ought to feel like a zombie mombie if you continue to sleep on the unoccupied couch for days! Ask me about it right now because my baby A is too much of a prowling octopus too. It’s scary to leave him on the bed alone and I get wierd dreams of him falling off the bed !! Chill Divya, we’re on the same boat and we shall overcome 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a relief to know what I went through is just another phase in a mom’s life. Sometimes we tend to submerge in the pool of worries too much that only a temporary break from routine can save us from being further drowned. Agreed.
      Thank you so much for your support, Vishali. You have an amazing blog 🙂
      On a lighter note, our unoccupied yet mysteriously possessed couch is now for sale. Let me know if you’re interested 😛

      Like

    1. Thank you ji, for your kind words!
      I will certainly try to engage more with the kid and make everlasting memories for the future.
      On a lighter note, Baby D is a boy. A him, not her. 😀 😀
      Just said because some day when he goes through these (which I hope he would), I don’t want him to kick me hard for letting you assume his identity incorrectly. That’d fail me as a writer. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Divya, don’t worry! We’ve all been there! It can be hard because your readers come for something and either they find something else or nothing and you feel you’ve let them down. But you’re only human, a very sleep deprived human. I’ve found that when my enthusiasm for writing wanes it helps to take a little break or just write honestly (and learn just how many people can relate!).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember reading your article on blogging and blogging fatigue which more or less conveyed my last week’s situation. And just like you suggested, I took a break from writing and focused more on life instead. I even refrained from responding to comments at that time (which is why this thank note is being delivered late 🙂 ). Now that I am getting back on track, I realise how blessed I am to get all the support I want at the right moment.
      On a personal note, your words are extra special to me because I know you right from the day I began blogging; It’s such a pleasure to continue keeping in touch with you through words. :’)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t tell you how much your words touch me! Bloggers often wonder if readers get any value from their words and to know that you did, well, it’s just indescribable. I’m sorry to hear last week just wasn’t working for you, but glad you were able to take some time in order to be able to return. It’s been so great to see your blog grow and all the people you resonate with. I sincerely hope you find many successes and are able to just keep going. I always look forward to your posts, but life can be sneaky with all the ups and downs and I think we all understand that sometimes you just have to step away to be able to come back.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I hate writer’s block and sleep deprivation. This will pass through just like those precious seconds you spend with your baby, which are the most important thing. And by reading this, sounds like you are doing what all good mommies do, take a little time watching silly shows while being next to our babies. The time flies by when you have little ones nearby. I still can not believe my kids have grown up, I still remember when they were in diapers. You are doing everything perfectly and what millions of other moms do, as for that writer’s block, it will all come back to you. Until then, no guilt in doing what your heart tells you to do in that moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You sound very normal and it doesn’t sound like you have writer’s block; just that you don’t have the time or energy right now! Seems like I never stick to my posting schedule either because … life happens, and just keeps on happening. BTW, this is a truly great post … I loved the “prowling octopus”! Hang in there, lady!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The only thing I can say is that it will get better! The combination of sleep deprivation and frustration is a nasty one. Have a good sob, scoff down a slab of chocolate and in a few days you’ll be able to cope again

    Like

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